Last Chance
by naturallyvivacious
Summary: One-shot turned two-shot set after 9x20, She's Killing Me. When Jackson shows up at April's apartment after their shifts, April suddenly has a difficult choice to make. Please read & review!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Not sure where exactly this idea came from, I was studying for finals and it proved to be a great procrastination tool, haha, we need something to pass the time during the hiatus :) Anyways I am fairly new to the Fan Fiction world, so please review, I would love to hear your thoughts!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy.**

* * *

April Kepner slouched in her seat at Joe's. She had started the day out in such a good mood, and now? When Matthew had dropped the I-want-you-to-meet-my-mother bomb on her, she hadn't known what to expect. The only mother besides her own that she'd ever had experience with was Catherine Avery, and it's not like the two situations were in any way similar. And of course, now she'd ruined everything.

She sighed, took a swig of her drink and wished for the umpteenth time that what had happened between her and Jackson had never actually happened. What she wouldn't give to have her best friend back. He would have known just the right thing to say; hell, he probably could have kept her from telling Matthew she was a virgin in the first place. And if they'd never had sex, she could have honestly told Matthew that she was saving herself and none of this would be happening.

April finished her drink, and sensed someone sitting down next to her.

"You look like you could use another one of those."

She glanced to the side to see Alex as he signaled to Joe. The bartender slid two glasses down the bar to them. After all these years, he knew everyone's drink of choice.

"Thanks, but I wasn't planning on having another one," April said, pushing her stool back to stand up.

Alex rolled his eyes. "Give it up, Not-So-Virgin Mary, just take the freakin' drink," he muttered.

April paused for a second and glowered at him before easing herself back into her chair. She wasn't overly used to hanging out with Karev, but it had been a busy day for all of them, with the Syrian doctors coming to Grey Sloan.

"Crazy day today, huh? Trying to find ways those doctors can help people with almost no medical supplies?" she said.

"Freakin' medieval crap..." Alex grumbled. Though he had kept up his gruff exterior today, it was really bothering him that the kids in Syria weren't going to get the best medical care possible. He took a drink and winced internally at the burn in his throat. "They'll be lucky if they don't kill a patient with some of those techniques. They need more equipment."

April shifted guiltily, remembering her impromptu thievery. "Well at least they can do something, that's better than nothing," she said quickly. "And I think they went home with a lot of extra supplies." It was her turn to take a sip. This was her third drink of the night, and she could feel her head getting a little fuzzy.

"Can't save everyone I guess," Alex laughed humorlessly. They sat in silence for a few moments, April absentmindedly shredding a napkin in between her fingers.

Sure, she'd never really spoken to Alex about her personal life before, especially not after their on-call room incident during their residency, but he was a guy, after all, and maybe he could offer some insight into her problems.

_Here goes nothing_, April thought to herself as she finished her drink, opened her mouth and began to speak.

* * *

"I... I told Matthew I was a virgin."

Alex turned his head in shock towards the red-haired attending. Since when did Kepner talk to him about her personal crap? "What?"

April flushed. "I... uh... Sorry. Never mind." She ducked her head.

Alex shook his head in disbelief. He was definitely not the go-to person to talk to about these types of things, Kepner would be better off going to Mer or Cristina for advice. Still, he found himself wondering where she had been going with that, especially with what he'd witnessed between her and a certain Plastics fellow the week before.

"Seriously, what? You can't just say something like that and then say never mind," he prodded.

April took a deep breath. Now that he was paying attention, she looked like she had a lot on her mind. Alex tried to keep his face expressionless as she spoke.

"I, uh, I told Matthew that I was a virgin, when you know, I'm obviously not and I don't know why I did it, but he told me that he was saving himself for marriage and that's what I always wanted, and now I'll never get it and it just came out! And that was weeks ago and then today, he says he wants me to meet his mother and the Syrian doctors have nothing and how can we possibly complain when they have nothing and I'm worrying about meeting my freaking boyfriend's mom! So I thought, oh, well, how mad can he be, so I told him that I lied about being a virgin and now he hates me!"

Alex snickered. "Seriously? You thought _I_ was the best person to talk to about this? What about Meredith or Cristina, isn't that what women do? Talk about guys?"

He saw April's face fall for just a moment before she replaced her expression with a steely glare.

"You know what? You're right. I can't believe that I thought you could be a decent human being about this and help me out instead of making fun of me. I guess that was pretty stupid of me, huh?" she said icily, picking her coat up off her chair and slinging it angrily over her shoulders.

Alex raised his eyebrows. Kepner was not the same mousey, insecure girl she'd been at the time of the merger. Now she was tougher, bolder and had more confidence, and for those reasons, coupled with her relatively recent transition to a redhead, Alex had to admit: April Kepner was hot. Not really his type, but hot all the same.

His arm shot out and he caught her upper arm. She turned to face him, furious. "Let go of me, Karev."

"Dude, chill out for two freakin' seconds. I didn't mean to offend you or whatever," he offered, pulling her back towards the bar. "Sit down."

April unhappily and somewhat childishly plopped herself back down on the bar stool, refusing to look in the peds surgeon's direction.

Alex stared at her for a second, waiting for her to speak. When she didn't, he turned his eyes forward and ordered another round of drinks. He could practically feel the embarrassment radiating from his co-worker.

"Okay," he began, "so the paramedic is mad because he doesn't get to be your first screw? Big deal... doesn't he realize that no one waits until they're 30 to do it?"

He figured his attempt at a joke would probably set her off again, so he busied himself with his drink and waited for her to storm out. To his surprise, April reached for hers as well.

"I don't think he's really mad about that," she answered, "I think he's more hung up with the fact that I lied to him, and then he has every right to be mad."

"So what? It's not like you sleep around. I'm sure he'd be madder if you did it and told him afterwards that you had syphilis or something."

April giggled and gently swat him on the shoulder. "Still," she mused, "Syphilis or not, I still lied to him."

"Oh yeah, I forgot 'Thou Shalt Not Lie' was the 11th commandment," he teased. Seeing the look of distress on her face, he continued, "But seriously, if he's gonna get all worked up about something like that, maybe you're better off without him anyways."

That's what girls always said to each other, right? That they were better off without the guy, they can do better, yada yada yada... Alex had been dragged to enough chick flicks in an effort to get laid that he was pretty sure that's how it went. April's face lost a little bit of its despair. Maybe he should pay more attention to chick flicks.

"Maybe you're just meant to be with someone else, or whatever," he added. He wasn't sure if people were meant to be or not, soul mates and all that crap. He'd thought he'd found his in Izzie, and he was not about to forget how that turned out. So, it was easier for him if he didn't believe, even if a certain brunette intern was making him rethink his opinions on romance.

He glanced over at his new drinking buddy, who seemed to be lost in thought about something or another. Alex wouldn't be surprised if she was thinking about Avery. Alex could be oblivious sometimes but even an idiot could tell that things were far from over between the two former Mercy Westers. Hell, he thought that if he had walked in a minute later, he'd have caught them kissing last week. He knew from Jo that Avery was still seeing that intern, Dr. Edwards, and if he was being honest, he had thought they wouldn't make it this long. Seemed to him like they both had different ideas on where their relationship was going.

It was none of his business anyways.

Still, he didn't like to see April upset. She had annoyed him in the past but they were family at the hospital, more so than his real, biological family and he had to admit that he sort of cared about her. Whatever.

April continued to sit in silence. "Hey, you still awake over there?" Alex prompted.

She started, as if she had been daydreaming and forgot where she was. "Yeah, sorry," she said sheepishly. "I was just thinking."

He shrugged and returned to his drink. If she didn't want to tell him her thoughts, that was her prerogative, but he was pretty sure he had her all figured out.

She surprised him by speaking again. "I think I'm going to go home."

Alex nodded. "You're good to walk home?" he questioned. "I can get Joe to call you a cab."

April nodded vigorously. "No thanks, it's not that far anyways, I'll be fine. Thanks for the drinks... and for the advice. You're not half-bad when you stop trying to be a jerk."

He laughed as she started to walk away. "See you tomorrow," he called. She waved at him before she slipped out the door and into the night.

* * *

Jackson Avery was annoyed. He'd been in this conference room for what seemed like ages, talking with Dr. Bailey and Legal about his colleague's recent string of post-op complications. He was glad his mother had stepped in and saved Grey Sloan Memorial with the help of the Harper Avery Foundation, but he was not happy with his new levels of responsibility. Couldn't his mother have picked Webber for this job? He was sure that they wouldn't mind spending even more time together, though it grossed Jackson out to even think about that possibility.

"It's getting late, everyone," he heard Owen Hunt say, "let's pick this up again tomorrow."

Relieved, Jackson stood up and stretched his legs. He watched as the others filed out of the room one by one: Hunt, Callie, Arizona, the lawyer, Cristina, Derek, a very pregnant Meredith and finally Dr. Bailey.

The shorter woman turned to face Jackson before she left. He didn't think he'd ever met a tougher woman than Miranda Bailey, but it looked to him like she was struggling to hold it together.

"I... I'll go through my notes and see if... if anything stands out..." she trailed off.

Jackson nodded encouragingly. "I'm sure we'll get to the bottom of this," he said, "Hang in there."

The general surgeon smiled sadly and shuffled out of the room.

Jesus, he needed a drink.

* * *

Alex looked up in surprise as Avery dropped into the seat next to him at the bar and ordered a beer.

"Rough day?"

"You have no idea," Jackson replied darkly. "Looks like Bailey could be under investigation for the next little while, having a bunch of post-op complications. We'll be lucky if it doesn't turn into a malpractice suit. I could kill my mother for saddling me with this crap."

Alex's eyebrows rose in shock. "_Bailey_ is being investigated? Dude, I hope whoever investigates her has balls of steel, for his own sake."

"I don't know man, she seems pretty shaken up about it. Tried to blame it on Murphy before we figured out that Murphy wasn't involved."

Alex could vividly recall being blamed for what seemed like everything in his intern year. Dr. Bailey was not the type to overlook her intern's mistakes. Hell, he remembered her yelling at him today, something about training sloppy interns and bringing shame to the family or whatever. He didn't think that it would turn out to be something this serious.

He chuckled to himself. Since when was he the one who had his life figured out? Well, for the most part anyways. Meredith had tested positive for the Alzheimer's genes, Bailey was being investigated, Jackson had an entire hospital dumped on him and of course, the whole Jackson and April thing. The only issue Alex currently had was that Jo had no idea how he felt about her. Oh, and Assface too.

That was something Alex felt he could do something about. The guy was a douche, and Jo was smart enough that eventually, she'd figure it out and Alex could make his move.

Jackson and April on the other hand... That was trickier. He figured they were both too stubborn to just admit that they belonged together, and as long as Jackson kept up his on-call room romps with Edwards and Kepner's paramedic boyfriend got over himself, that wasn't about to change. Regardless of whatever he had seen between them last week. Now that Alex thought of it, he was pretty sure that they hadn't spoken since then.

They were probably pretending it never happened. Typical.

It struck Alex that he wanted to do something about their situation. He wasn't the type to play matchmaker; but Izzie would have done it if she'd been here. Cristina and Mer had also been known to meddle from time to time and really, what's the worst that could happen?

Spinning on his stool, he casually leaned back on the bar. "So what's the deal with you and Edwards?"

Jackson looked up, surprised. "What?"

"You know, that intern you've been screwing recently. Looks to me like she's pretty into you, dude."

Avery gave him a suspicious glare. "Yeah, I guess so," he replied slowly.

"So is that legit or what? Cause I hear about it from Jo, about how Edwards doesn't know what's going on with you two, like if you're serious or whatever," Alex said.

The darker skinned man sighed in frustration and dropped his head in his hands. "Honestly... what is it with women about always wanting to know this stuff? Why can't they just freaking go with the flow and not worry about _where we're going_ or anything like that... it's bullshit, that's what it is," he ranted. "And then they think they're pregnant and you offer to freaking _marry them_, and then they turn your words against you and all of a sudden it's over? Bullshit..."

Alex watched Avery out of the corner of his eye. He was pretty sure they weren't talking about Edwards any more.

Kepner thought she was pregnant and Avery offered to marry her? He'd never heard the story of why Jackson and April had become distant, but that had been the reason he'd least expected. He'd always kind of hoped that Jackson had given her herpes or something.

Alex decided to play it cool. "Edwards though she was preggers? Shit, dude, didn't you pay attention in Sex Ed in middle school-"

"Shut up, Karev, and no, not Stephanie," the plastic surgeon corrected bitterly.

"Dude, Kepner? You almost knocked up _Kepner_?"

"Seriously, Karev, shut it. I beat you up once; I have no qualms about doing it again."

Alex laughed internally. Touchy subject, apparently. "So what? You broke up with her because she didn't want to marry you or something?"

Jackson downed half of his beer before turning to the other attending. "I think I missed the part where this was your business," he said coldly. Alex backtracked.

"You're right, dude, it's not. I'm sorry." He decided to go for full disclosure. "Kepner was in here earlier all upset because of something her paramedic boyfriend did, so I was already thinking about her."

Avery stiffened. He was trying to hide it, but Alex could tell that he had peaked his interest by mentioning April.

"Oh yeah? What did Mr. Perfect do?"

Alex smirked at Avery's attempt to sound nonchalant. "Well, it sort of has to do with you as well... I guess Kepner told him a while back that she was a virgin, and today she told him that she wasn't, and he's pissed at her for lying to him. Personally, I don't think it's that big of a deal, but what do I know anyways?" he said innocently. He was sure that Kepner would kill him later if she found out that he told Jackson what she'd said, but it was all worth it if they ended up back together.

* * *

Jackson's face froze as he listened to Karev's words. April had told her boyfriend that she was a virgin? She really was pretending that they had never happened. He felt an urge to show up at her apartment and force her to explain herself, but he restrained himself.

Women.

He knew that eventually, he and Stephanie were going to have to call it quits. She didn't seem to get that he was only in it for the sex, and to be honest, sometimes she treated him more as _the_ Jackson Avery instead of just Jackson Avery, like she was star struck by his family name.

April had never treated him like that. She had always, always treated him as if he were any regular guy, instead of Harper Avery's grandson. She understood him in ways that he barely understood himself.

God, he missed April. They had had a moment, last week, and Jackson resented Alex Karev for walking up to them when he did. That being said, he knew that April would have considered a kiss to be cheating, and she would never forgive herself if she cheated on Matt. In her eyes, Jesus was mad enough at her for having sex with Jackson; no need to add to that list.

He could feel Karev waiting expectantly for his response, but he was feeling such a rush of various emotions that he couldn't answer.

Frustration, because April was still trying to pretend like San Francisco had never happened. Anger, at Matt, because April was upset about something he'd said. Even happiness, because some sick part of him hoped that their relationship would be ruined and she would come running back into his arms.

Jackson hated himself for not having the guts to get April back. He was kidding himself if he said he wasn't in love with her, and if there was a chance that she wasn't happy with the paramedic, he didn't think he could live with himself if he let her go again.

"So do you think that her and Matt will work it out?" He tried to sound cavalier, though he was pretty sure that Alex could see right through him.

Alex scoffed. "Dude. Stop trying to play Mr. Indifferent with me, I'm not an idiot. Go to her place, tell her how you feel, get married and have lots of neurotic babies with her so I can stop freakin' hearing about it."

Jackson felt a smirk creep over his face. Karev had a point. Well, what the hell. Couldn't make it any worse.

"Fine, dude. Wish me luck."

He didn't wait to see the astonishment on Karev's face, nor the satisfied smirk that followed. He was a man on a mission.

* * *

"Matthew? Look, I know you're mad and you have every right to be, but don't you think we should talk about it? It really shouldn't end this way. Anyways, it's late and I have to be at work in the morning, but please call me back tomorrow, I really hope we can work this out."

April hung up the phone after leaving the last of four voicemails she had left Matt in the past hour. She grabbed the remote and aimlessly flicked through the channels.

She missed living with Jackson and Alex. Sure, Alex was messy and had a constant parade of women in and out of his bedroom, but he had been great to talk to tonight, and had proven himself to be a decent friend.

As for Jackson... April missed being his best friend. They'd become so close after Reed and Charles had died, and now it felt like he'd been ripped from her life almost altogether, leaving an empty hole that no one else would ever be able to fill.

If April was being honest with herself, she knew that she missed him for other reasons as well. She'd had some time to mull over her faith, and the more she'd thought about it, the more she thought Meredith might have been right. Maybe she had been meant to go to the carnival with Jackson. She missed going to the carnival.

This was her own fault, anyways. She had been so relieved that she wasn't pregnant, and hadn't realized that her words could be misinterpreted, and then she hadn't bothered to fix it.

A sudden knock at the door startled her out of her reverie.

April turned the TV down and hauled herself off of the couch. Maybe it was Matthew; she didn't think he'd break up with her without one last conversation. Maybe she wanted it to be him. He told her he loved her. Jackson had never done that. They had similar belief systems. They were a better match for each other, in April's opinion.

She unlocked the door, but left the chain on, so that the door could only swing open a few inches.

Jackson Avery stood at her door. He was slightly winded and staring down at her in an intense way that reminded her of San Francisco and bathrooms. April suddenly felt as though all of her insides had turned to mush. She took a deep breath before speaking.

"Hey."

Jackson smiled. "Hey. Uh... I know it's late, I just... I have something to say to you."

"Oh, uh, okay," April stammered. Something about those green eyes was seriously messing with her ability to talk. She unlatched the chain and swung the door wide enough for Jackson to pass through, but he didn't move.

"Karev told me that you told Matt you were a virgin. And that now he knows the truth and that he's mad about it."

April stopped short and frowned. Freaking Alex Karev couldn't keep his mouth shut. She made a mental note to kill him the next time she saw him. "Oh."

"Yeah. And at first I was mad, because you were still acting like this thing between us never happened. But then I thought about it and I realized that I would be an idiot if I passed up on another opportunity... this could be my last chance to tell you."

"Tell me what?" April could feel her heart pounding. Was this going where she thought this was going? Where she hoped this was going?

Jackson took a deep breath. "I think I'm in love with you."

* * *

**A/N: Well, there you have it, folks. I know the ending is cheesy, but I couldn't leave the story without hope that they'd get back together :) Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So you guys broke me down, and this one-shot has officially turned into a two-shot. I just couldn't resist tying up this little storyline, (and Hidge was being a pain in my ass about it, lol). Hope you enjoy Chapter 2, please leave me a review at the end! (Regardless of whether you liked it or not, criticisms are welcome!) Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Grey's Anatomy, this would have happened by now. **

* * *

Jackson sat in a corner of the attendings lounge, numbly chewing on a muffin. He kept replaying the events of the night before in his head, still trying to wrap his head around the fact that he'd let Alex Karev, of all people, talk him into doing something so stupid.

He hadn't been sure what April's reaction would be, but he definitely had not been expecting _that_.

His head flicked up to see the pediatric surgeon in question enter the room and begin rummaging through the fridge. He pulled out a carton of orange juice that Jackson knew to belong to Yang and took several large gulps straight from the spout before he collapsed on the sofa next to Jackson.

"Freakin' interns... Wilson won't stop bitching to me about wanting to do procedures. Said that now that Edwards is on Kepner's service, she's done tons of procedures just this morning, and why doesn't Jo get to do procedures all of the time? They're grunts! Nobodies! Bottom of the surgical food chain!" Alex complained.

Jackson raised his eyebrows and took another bite of his muffin.

Alex took another swig and looked over at the Plastics attending curiously. "So dude, what happened after you left last night?"

Jackson groaned inwardly. April Kepner was not a topic he was willing to breach with Karev again. "None of your business, _dude_."

"Aw, come on, you seemed pretty confident when you left last night," Alex prodded before downing the rest the of orange juice.

Jackson determinedly turned his head away from his colleague, picked up a medical journal from the coffee table and began to flip through the pages.

Karev let out a final chuckle. "Fine, suit yourself."

The door of the attendings lounge flew open and Meredith's belly preceded her into the room, quickly followed by Cristina.

"Hey, Evil Spawn, do you mind?" Cristina said, snatching her now empty carton of orange juice out of Karev's grasp.

Jackson ignored his bickering friends and stared at Meredith instead. His eyes were drawn to the basketball under her scrub top: evidence that Zola would soon have a baby brother.

April wanted kids. Jackson had never really thought about it, if he was being honest with himself, until a few months ago when April had thought she was pregnant. He had been ready to be a dad then, not to just any kid but to their kid. He'd meant it when he said that he was in. They would make amazing parents, April especially. He knew his mother desperately wanted him to settle down and give her some grandchildren, and she loved April. It seemed like a no brainer to him. Jackson pushed himself up from his chair.

"I should get back to work," he said.

* * *

April was having a hell of a morning. She hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, and of course, with Hunt's new rule of rotating interns, Stephanie Edwards was on her service for the next few weeks. April couldn't quite look the woman in the eye; she felt too guilty, especially because she knew that Edwards had little to no idea of her and Jackson's history together.

So, April had suggested that Edwards take care of almost all of the procedures that morning. It kept her eyes on her patients and away from April, plus it earned her attendings points with the residents. She'd overheard Jo Wilson complaining to Edwards that Alex had barely let her touch a patient.

Edwards was fairly competent, as interns go, and the fact that she was doing April's work gave the attending a lot of time to ponder the events of the night before. She leaned heavily on the counter of the nurses' station.

Jackson had completely blindsided her with his declaration. Sure, she had hoped and dreamed that someday he would say those words to her, but she had never believed that it would actually happen. When it did, she hadn't know what to do with herself.

In retrospect, she felt embarrassed by her reaction, or rather, lack thereof. Jackson had been staring expectantly at her, and she had frozen.

April let her thoughts run over their one-sided exchange from last night.

* * *

_"I think I'm in love with you."_

_April's world came to a stop with those seven little words. Hadn't she hoped that those exact words would come out of his mouth? Hadn't she been hoping for weeks, until she met Matthew? Now that it had happened, she wasn't sure what to do. She opened her mouth to speak, but words wouldn't come out._

_Jackson Avery was in love with her?_

_She almost wanted to laugh out loud. This must be her punishment from Jesus. If she had never had sex with Jackson in the first place, they would still be best friends and she could have lived happily ever after with Matthew. Her life would be perfect. But now, she was stuck with an ex-boyfriend who hated her and a guy who didn't tell her he loved her until it was too late._

_Jackson was still staring at her intensely. She knew he was expecting her to say something back. Maybe he was expecting her to jump into his arms and they would fall back into her apartment and make up for lost time._

_April mentally shook herself. Now was definitely not the time to be having impure thoughts. Didn't need to give God another reason to punish her._

_She tried to speak again but her mouth had gone dry as a bone and no sound escaped her lips. Jackson raised an eyebrow at her._

_"Are you okay?" he asked softly, taking a small step toward her. The increase in proximity made her palms sweat. His body was only inches away from hers; she could feel the heat coming from his skin._

_Her body shivered involuntarily. There was no way she could think clearly with him so close to her. Everything about him made her want to pull him in and lock the door behind them. _

_April let out a breath and took a tiny step backwards. "I'm... I'm okay," she whispered._

_Who was she kidding? She was far from okay. Hey eyes flew up to meet Jackson's. He didn't look very reassured. His pale blue-green eyes pierced hers; she felt sure that he could see right in to her very soul._

_He broke eye contact and fidgeted awkwardly. "Well... I, uh... I just wanted you to know that. Have a good night, April." For a moment, April thought that he was about to lean in and kiss her, before he turned on his heel and walked away. Had she imagined it?_

_April's heart was begging for her to call out to him, to stop him from walking away from her. Her head, on the other hand, was still trying to make sense of what had just happened. She remained motionless in the doorway._

_Jackson Avery was in love with her._

* * *

"Dr. Kepner? Dr. Kepner?"

April jolted out of her trance as if she'd been given an electric shock. Edwards was staring at her with a concerned look on her face. "Are you okay?" the intern asked.

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, she stood up straight and smoothed out her scrub top. "Um, yeah, I'm fine. How's the pit doing?"

Edwards beamed. "Beds two, three and six have been discharged, four and seven were admitted and there's no one in the waiting room."

April smiled at the younger woman, who was obviously pleased with herself. She had the makings of a great trauma surgeon, and April couldn't wait to see how she'd fare in the fourth year trauma certification skills lab. It had certainly been an eye opener for her.

"What do you want me to do now?" Stephanie asked eagerly.

"Well, if there's one thing I've learned about the ER in the past few years, it's that it is never quiet for long. Take a break, get some sleep and some food before all hell breaks loose down here." April watched as the black haired girl headed towards the cafeteria before she walked around to the other side of the counter and sank into a chair. She was sure that once the woman found out about her and Jackson, she was a lot less likely to think that April walked on water.

She was thankful for the fact that Jackson was held up all day in the conference room, discussing Dr. Bailey's situation with Legal. Word had traveled quickly throughout the hospital that the attending who struck fear into the hearts of residents was under investigation from the Centre for Disease Control. Dr. Bailey was an incredible surgeon, and April hated to think that her job could be in jeopardy. She'd been in a similar situation herself when she was a resident, and it had resulted in her getting fired. The memory haunted April to this day. All the same, she was glad that it was limiting the amount of time where she and Jackson could run into each other. They'd already had a few encounters, but she had rushed off before he had a chance to say anything.

She was also sort of glad that Matthew would be taking some time off work until his injuries were fully healed. She didn't know if she could handle a conversation with him after last night, because she didn't know what she wanted anymore.

Matthew was the perfect guy for her. He was the type of guy that she fantasized about as a teenager, and she knew that if she had met him before she'd taken her Boards, they would still be together to this day. Maybe they'd even be talking about marriage. She could easily see herself spending the rest of her life by his side.

But Jackson... Jackson was different. He was everything that Matthew wasn't, in the best way possible. He had taken her life and turned it upside down, made her question everything she'd ever believed in, and a part of her loved that about him. If Matthew was the calm and steady train ride at the amusement park then Jackson was the roller coaster that twisted and turned through all of the ups and downs, but you never wanted to get off.

April had never been much of a roller coaster person. She wasn't a risk taker, she chose the safe option every time. The safe option here would give her Matthew, if he forgave her, which she knew he would. Her head screamed at her to take the safe route. It had worked out so well in the past for her; she had been happy, but this time, something was different. This time, her heart firmly disagreed with her head.

Her heart refused to give up on Jackson. She'd never realized exactly how he felt about her, but it had been clear, looking in his eyes last night. They would have a tumultuous relationship, full of highs and lows, but they would love each other more than April thought was possible. They would have passion at a level that her and Matthew would probably never be able to achieve.

How did you turn down that kind of love?

* * *

Stephanie Edwards opened the door to another on-call room. No Jackson. She had been looking for the plastic surgeon ever since Dr. Kepner had told her to go take a break, but had thus far been unsuccessful. She'd checked almost every on-call room on the surgical floor, the conference room where Dr. Bailey was sequestered and the attendings lounge but he was nowhere to be found.

She was proud of her boyfriend for stepping up in his new role in the hospital, but at the same time, his new responsibilities were severely cutting down on "Stackson" time, as Jo called it.

Stephanie walked up to the last on-call room on the floor. If he wasn't in here, she would text him.

* * *

Jackson abruptly woke to someone barging into the room he was sleeping in and turning on the light. Groggily, he sat up and blinked as his eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness of the room.

"What the h-" he muttered as the intruder sat down on his bed.

"Hey, sorry, I just wanted to come visit since I'm on a quick break. I'm in the pit with Kepner and things are pretty slow down there today," Stephanie said, dropping a quick kiss on Jackson's lips. Shit.

Stephanie was working with April? "Oh, how's that going?" he asked casually, stretching his arms as he spoke.

"Great! She's letting me do all sorts of procedures, which, no offense, you never did-"

"Plastics is a delicate art," Jackson cut in, "I'm not about to let an intern paint a masterpiece when she's only learned to finger paint."

Stephanie waved her hand. "Whatever. Anyways, it's great, but I miss you and Kepner doesn't seem like her usual self today, it's bumming me out."

"What's wrong? Is she okay?" he asked, desperately wanting to know how April was reacting to his confession. He realized he may have been just a little bit too forceful with his demand when he saw the confusion on Stephanie's face.

Stephanie slid backwards. "I'm sure she's fine, she's just not as perky as usual. Kind of off in her own little world all day. What's with the concern for Kepner? It's not like you guys are close."

Jackson bit back a sarcastic laugh. She didn't know the half of it.

It occurred to him that she should probably know the truth about his and April's history, especially where he still didn't know how the redhead was going to respond. Jackson sat up a little straighter.

"Actually, April and I are really close." He watched as Stephanie's eyebrows rose in surprise. "We haven't really been close lately, but we were best friends since intern year, especially after our friends Charles and Reed died in the hospital shooting."

Stephanie nodded slowly. The interns had heard the story of the shooting; there were no secrets at Grey Sloan Memorial. "But why did you stop best being friends?" she questioned.

Jackson shifted uncomfortably. "When we went to take our Boards in San Francisco, we, uh, ended up sleeping together. We always said it would be a one time thing, that each time it happened would be the last, but in the end, we couldn't stay away from each other. And then April thought she was pregnant, and I offered to marry her, but then she wasn't and things just kind of fell apart after that."

Stephanie sat in silence for a few moments before beginning to speak. "And you're still in love with her," she breathed. Jackson was shocked that she was taking this news so effortlessly. He wondered if he hadn't been as adept at hiding his feelings as he'd thought.

"I'm sor-" he tried to apologize, before she cut him off.

"It's cool. Seriously, now I have a chance to really throw myself into surgeries and I don't have time to wait around for someone who's in love with somebody else," she said as she advanced towards the door and turned the knob.

"Good luck, Jackson. And to be honest, plastics isn't really my thing."

Stephanie offered him a quick smile before she pulled open the door and left.

One down, one to go, Jackson thought to himself as he nodded off once again.

* * *

April held her cell phone in her hand, hovering her finger above the Call button. She had been sitting like this for quite a while now, and couldn't quite bring herself to dial Matthew's number. Not because she didn't want to end things with him, but because she didn't want to hurt him. Even though he was currently angry with her, she knew that he would take this hard.

She tried to tell herself to just do it already, get it over and done with. It was like ripping off a Band-Aid, and she knew she'd feel better as soon as it was over.

She glanced around, but no one was in sight. She was sitting in the tunnels on an abandoned gurney. Meredith had told her once that it was a peaceful place to be alone.

April took a deep breath and pressed the Call button. The phone rang several times before she heard his voice come on the line.

_"Hello?"_

April's mouth had gone dry. She swallowed hastily. "Matthew? It's April."

_"Oh... hi."_

"Um, how are you? How's the laceration?" She was stalling, and she knew it.

_"It's fine, I guess. Look, April, I'm kind of busy right now. Can you call back later?"_

He was definitely still mad at her. "Actually, I'm calling for a reason..." she trailed off. She didn't hear anything on the other line. He was waiting.

"The thing is, Matthew, I... I didn't tell you the whole story of how I lost my virginity."

He let out a huff of air. _"Really, April, do we have to do this now? I can come to the hospital tomorrow and we can talk."_

"No, it has to be now," she said. She couldn't start this conversation now and finish it tomorrow. It had to be taken care of now.

"I really wanted to wait until I was married," she began, "but I didn't. And I used to regret not waiting, but I don't anymore, because I truly think that the guy I had sex with is the man I'm going to end up with. And I'm sorry that it took me so long to figure it out, and that you got dragged along for the ride. I'm sure you're going to find a great girl someday and be very happy with her, but that girl is not me." She paused briefly before continuing." You're a great guy, Matthew, and you deserve to be with someone who can really love you, instead of someone who will be pining away for somebody else."

It took Matthew several seconds before he responded quietly. "Is there anything I can do to change your mind?"

April smiled sadly. "I'm afraid not. Some things you just can't change."

Matthew laughed into the phone. "Well, I guess I'll see you around then."

"Yeah, I'll see you around. Goodbye, Matthew."

"Goodbye, April."

She hung up the phone and sat motionless on the gurney for a few minutes. That had been hard, but not as hard she'd been anticipating.

Now that it was over, she felt exhausted. Her pager went off and for the first time, she scowled at an incoming trauma.

April jogged to the ER to find Stephanie Edwards pulling on a trauma gown. "What have we got?"

"Car versus pedestrian, 10 minutes out. 28 year old female with crush injuries, possibility of internal bleeding."

April waited for Stephanie to list off the other casualties but the intern didn't say anything else. "One person? Is that it?"

Edwards looked surprised. "Yeah."

"Okay, page Steve Mostow. He's a fifth year trauma resident and it's about time he took point on a case. He's very good, and he should be able to handle whatever comes through these doors. If it gets out of control, page me, and I want updates on the patient regardless." April began to walk away when Stephanie stopped her.

"You're not going to stay?"

April shook her head. "I'm going to catch some sleep."

* * *

April let herself into an on-call room, intent on taking a quick nap. She paused when she heard rustling coming from the bed and glanced over to see an achingly familiar pair of eyes focusing on her after being woken up.

"Oh, Jackson... I didn't know you were in here. Sorry," she said quickly, grabbing the door knob and attempting to flee the room before he had a chance to stop her. She felt a hand close around her wrist, pulling her back to sit on the bed.

"You've been avoiding me all day, April. If you're still freaking out, then just forget I said anything and we can pretend it never happened... though you should know that Stephanie the intern and I broke up," Jackson said softly.

Without warning, April burst into tears. She pulled her hand away from Jackson's and brought it to her face to cover the tears. Jackson sat awkwardly next to her for a moment before he reached out and wrapped one arm around her shoulders.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm sorry, let's just forget last night ever happened," he soothed. April sat up straighter.

"No," she sniffed. "No, let's not. I'm done with pretending that things haven't happened." She wiped her eyes on her sleeve.

"Then why are you crying?"

April laughed despite herself. "Because the timing of everything is off, Jackson. I was supposed to meet a nice guy, fall in love, get married and then have sex, but that's not what happened. You and I happened, and I don't ever want to forget about that."

Jackson pulled his arm back and shifted himself so he could look directly at her. It gave her the confidence to keep going.

"Matthew is a wonderful man. He really is. And I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him... if I'd met him before we went to San Francisco. He is absolutely perfect for the girl that I was back then. But I'm not that girl any more, Jackson." She wanted to touch him more than anything, but she restrained herself and kept talking.

"Matthew and I would have a steady, loving relationship. We'd get married, and have kids and grow old together, and I still want all of those things, but I want more than that now."

Jackson looked confused. April succumbed to her desires and reached out to stroke his cheek before voicing her earlier thoughts. "There's this train ride at the amusement park, you know, one that's meant for really young kids or really old people." She chuckled. "You think you want to go on the train, and when you do, it's pleasant and calming, there are no surprises and it's enjoyable for the most part, but it eventually gets boring."

She could tell from his eyes that Jackson was starting to see where she was going with this. She knew he'd hated it before when she used analogies for their relationship, but she had a feeling this one would be different.

"You can't help but want a little more than that little train ride, so you turn your attention to the huge, intimidating roller coaster that you've always wanted to try but never had the guts to actually get on. And when you do, it turns your world upside down. You can't see what's around the corner, you can barely think straight while you're flying around the twists and turns, and you're terrified almost the entire time, but as soon as it ends, you're already racing to the back of the line to do it all again. Because for the past few minutes of your life, you forgot about everything else in the world, including the train. And when you get around to riding that little train again, you realize that even the best train ride in the world could never measure up to how that roller coaster made you feel."

A smile was slowly beginning to spread across Jackson's face. "Let me get this straight... Am I the roller coaster?"

April nodded. "Yes, you are the roller coaster, and I never want to see another train again if it means that I get to be with you. You changed my life, Jackson, and I'll never be able to go back. So let's just go forward... together."

Jackson grinned. "Together."

* * *

**A/N: So, not as much Alex in this chapter, but I think April's internal debate makes up for it! Thanks for reading and please review!**


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